Never Forget (Raises fist to Heaven)

First things first...

I am obsessed with movies. OBSESSED.

In fact, it's more than a mere obsession. I have been known to confuse reality with certain films. I spent most of my early twenties believing that I was Max Fischer (a character from Wes Anderson's film: Rushmore).

For the better part of last year, I was convinced that I was Sandra Bullock's character from The Blind Side.

Except, instead of bringing home a 17-year old, black, football player... I brought home a 47 year old, black homeless man named Carlos. I found him behind a dumpster. I brought him home. Gave a him a place to sleep. I had Phineas practice running drills with him in the backyard. I would encourage him by saying things like, "Carlos, life will get better. This country is improving. I heard they're letting hobo's get married in, like, five different states now! Don't you dare lie to me!"

This is what Carlos looks like:

If you happen to see him, can you please tell him to call his Mama. We haven't seen him since we found him snorting Palfrey's birth control pills. Phineas overreacted and bit Carlos in the ass bum. Carlos ran out of the house carrying nothing but my mom's TV, Mrs. Palfrey's purse and Phineas' oxygen tank and he was never heard from again.

Anyway, we've strayed off course.

Today, I want to talk about the motion picture: Arthur (1981, starring: Dudley Moore).

To me, it is easily one of the greatest comedic films ever produced. Dudley Moore was brilliant as the lovable, out-of-control, filthy rich, constantly inebriated Arthur. BRILLIANT. Exceptionally funny. His performance could be construed as "genius". Seriously. Phinny thinks so too!

In fact, a little organization that you may of heard of thinks the same as me. The American Film Institute ranked Arthur #53 on their list of America's 100 Funniest Movies.

Not too shabby, eh?

So can someone please explain to me why on God's (soon to implode) Earth is Russell Brand attempting to re-create this role made famous by Dudley Moore?!!! Why?!!! Why?!!! WHY?!!!!

I mean, seriously, people. Russell Brand is a well-known stand-up comedian. A man who is capable of writing original, funny material. Why is he recycling someone else's greatest role? A role that NEVER should have been revived.

I just don't "get it".

I know that I take movies too seriously. I know. So what? So what if my feelings regarding the original Arthur (the ONLY Arthur in my mind) are similar to the way most folks feel about Ground Zero in NYC? You can't forget 9-11! Well, I can't forget that Dudley Moore is Arthur! Okay?!! I just can't. No amount of Helen Miren can fix the injustice that has been committed.

I guess I just find some things sacred...

I promise you that if I ever get the opportunity to appear in major motion pictures, I will never star in a remake of Ellen DeGeneres' Mr. Wrong. NEVER. EVER. EVAH.

I'm my own person, dammit!

I just wish Russell Brand was his own person too.

Instead of being Katy Perry's @#tch!

Aww SNAP!

As always...

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Peace-out kids! Palfrey is going to drive us through the park. You know how Phineas and I love North Park...