Phineas' Dark Secret

In order to be best friends with Phineas (the shark), there are certain dark truths one must get past in order to function in a working relationship. I accepted years ago his love for pregnant black women and his hatred for jello. I've endured his bouts with vegetarianism, anti-semitism, proletarianism and worst of all, his smoking. He can't play the piano yet constantly insists on trying. He claims to love fishing but cries each time we pierce a worm with a hook. All in all, Phineas is jerk. But, he's my jerk. (chokes up) I don't know what I would do without him.

It was three weeks ago when Phineas sat me down to confess his new dirty secret. He told me that while I have been going to my NBC's Community Support Group on Wednesday nights, he's been staying home watching Season Ten of American Idol.

Un-freaking-acceptable!

We promised each other... PINKY promised each other that when Adam Lambert lost Season 8 we were BOTH finished watching that program. It was a team boycott. Team Adam. What the hell, man?

Phineas informed me that I had to start watching the show because there was a contestant who reminded him of Samuel L. Jackson's character in the Spike Lee classic "Jungle Fever". The character I am referring to is Gator. He looked like this:

The contestant that Phineas was referring to is named Naima Adedapo and this is what she looks like:

I informed Phineas that he was a racist. Other than the fact that they are both black and that they both have "crack head teeth" there is no similarity between the two.

Phineas said, "Hold up, girl. Watch this!" and he cued up the first episode of AI on the DVR.



Naturally, I laughed out loud. That bitch be crazy. Then Phineas cued up Jungle Fever:



I was blown-away by the similarity. However, I felt that Naima's performance reminded me more of this classic scene from the movie Housesitter starring Goldie Hawn:



NAILED IT!

Regardless of the similarities, Naima was voted off of the show last night. Therefore there is no reason for Phineas to continue watching American Idol this season. HaHA! Sometimes God has my back.

In other news... I love the A&E show: HEAVY. Nothing makes me feel more "American" than watching HEAVY while eating an entire pack of Little Debbie Zebra cakes. (Cue: the Battle Hymn of the Republic.)

I had a last minute gig added tonight... I'm performing for a rotary club in Penn Hills. It felt appropriate to accept the gig. Especially after how vocal I've been about my hatred of touch tone phones. If you want to check it out it's at the Comfort Inn in Penn Hills at 7:30PM.

I have a show next Saturday as well:

As always...

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Thanks for your time,

Gab and Phineas