The Imaginary Reality of Gab Bonesso: Book Club

Book Club

by: Gab, Phineas and Mrs. Palfrey

starring: Gab, Phineas, Mrs. Palfrey and the cast of the motion picture: The Shining

ACT ONE

Scene One

A basement. Gab, Phineas and Mrs. Palfrey are standing in a circle. All three are wearing jeans and "wife-beater" tank tops. They are barefoot. Well, except for Phineas. Technically he does not have feet.

Phineas

Do you know the first rule about book club?

Gab

Umm, yeah. Isn't it that you have to read the whole book?

Phineas punches Gab in the throat. She drops to the ground and begins to cough blood.

Phineas

Wrong! It's that you never, ever, EVER talk about book club! Got it?!!

Gab

(blood dripping out of her mouth)

But... How can we have a book club if we can't talk about the book?

Phineas pulls a shiv out of the right, back pocket of his Levis and stabs Gab directly in the center of her thigh. Gab's skin loses it's color as she falls to the ground. Mrs. Palfrey walks over to Gab's body. She shakes her head. She looks at Phineas

Mrs. Palfrey

(reaching out her hand)

Give me the shiv.

Phineas

But...

Mrs. Palfrey

(Shouting in that way when spit flies from her mouth while tiny tears drip from her eyes)

Give me the goddamn shiv before I break off your dorsal fin and gut you with it!!!!!!

Phineas

(handing Mrs. Palfrey the shiv)

Okay.

Gab begins to mumble. She's groaning and starting to writhe on the floor.

Mrs. Palfrey

(looking at Gab in disgust)

Goddammit. Look at what you've done now. You better clean up this mess!

Gab

(barely conscious)

I hear... I hear...(voice fading)

Mrs. Palfrey

(holding the shiv as though she were about to stab Phineas)

CLEAN UP THIS MESS RIGHT NOW!!!!

Gab

(weak, confused)

ringing.... I hear ringing.

Mrs. Palfrey

(diabolical)

KILL HER NOW!!!!

Phineas

(his eyes suddenly become strange)

Come on now dear chum. It's time for Phineas to eat up, I mean, clean up your BLOOD!

Phineas proceeds to bite into Gab's flesh. Ripping her legs and arms completely off of her body. Blood spilling every where while Gab mumbles about ringing. Mrs. Palfrey puts a Rachmaninoff album on a victrola located in the corner of the basement. Dry ice begins to waft from the ground up. The lights fade.

Scene Two

Gab is waking up from a terrible nightmare as her alarm on her iPhone both rings and plays her favorite piece by Rachmaninoff. She rips off her covers and awakens from a terrible nightmare. She is dripping wet with sweat. She looks around her bedroom. Mrs. Palfrey is passed out on her couch holding a brandy bottle as per always. Phineas is sound asleep in his hammock in the corner of the room. Gab sighs. Realizing that it was all a dream. Suddenly there is a knock on her bedroom door.

Mrs. Palfrey

(groggy and hung-over)

What the hell?

Gab

(shouting from her bed)

Come on in!

Jack Nicholson, Shelley Duval, Danny Lloyd and Scatman Carothers enter Gab's bedroom. At this point, Phineas wakes up.

Phineas

Uh oh...

Jack Nicholson

Gabby? Darling? Light of my life!

Gab, Phineas and Mrs. Palfrey all look at one another, they each slap their hands against their face a la Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone and in unison scream.

Gab, Phinny, Mrs. Palfrey

REDRUM!!!!!!!

Blackout.

Scene Three

Gab, Phineas and Mrs. Palfrey are all seated in a hotel lobby. Each is holding a copy of Stephen King's The Shining. Each are wearing their Sunday best. There is a small easel holding a poster board which simply reads: Book Club. Phineas leads the discussion.

Phineas

(smoking a pipe. bubbles not crack.)

I enjoyed the symbolism of the wasps and the wasp nest. It really tied the entire piece together for me. How about you Mrs. Palfrey?

Mrs. Palfrey

(playing with her pearl necklace and drinking an old-fashioned)

I hate American authors. However this book reminded me of the year I spent in Vermont trying to be a lesbian. Operative word: TRYING. God... I thought men were a handful. Women! Blah!

Phineas

(confused by her response)

Okay. Not really anything to do with the book, but thanks for sharing. Gab? What did you like most about the book?

Gab

I think Danny was the killer.

Mrs. Palfrey

(now slurring her words)

Thanks for ruining the ending for me!

Phineas

(pissed off)

You were supposed to have finished the book already! (to Gab) What do you mean you think Danny is the killer? How could he be the killer? The hotel was haunted with evil spirits. Why are you blaming the little boy?!!!

Gab

(angry)

You can't tell me how to interpret art!

Gab's statement hits Phineas like a ton of bricks. He suddenly becomes withdrawn and extremely self-aware. His eyes well up with tears. He is filled with sorrow, regret and self-disappoinment. After an excruciatingly long pause he finally speaks.

Phineas

(humbled)

You're right.

The lights fade as Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto Number Two is played in the background.

End Scene.