Mini Anecdotes and a scene from a Play...
Ever since I was a small child I have difficulty in distinguishing the difference between reality and fantasy.
I remember telling a story to my mother as a small child and her asking, “did that really happen, baby?”. I thought for a moment and responded with, “Actually, the more I think about it, it could be from a dream Mama”.
As I got a little older I would confuse reality with fiction from books or movies. I remember once getting into an argument with my high school boyfriend only to realize that I was upset about something from a Woody Allen movie and not about something he had done. Also, this same BF, I imagined that he was of Jewish faith only to be extremely disappointed to find out that he was actually Lutheran. We broke up minutes after this discovery.
A few years back I was on vacation in Providence Rhode Island where I fell in love with this pizza place that made traditional Chicago-style pizza. Upon my return from this trip, I insisted that my mother make this style of pizza. Having never eaten it, my mother relied on my description to construct the pizza. I was convinced that it was a double crust filled with sausage. She looked for recipes online, but none of them explained this “double crust” of which I spoke. I insisted that I was right so mom went with my description rather than the recipe from Food Network’s website. After slaving all day cooking this pizza, I was sad to inform Mom that I must have imagined the “double crust” because this didn’t taste ANYTHING like Chicago-style.
Mom was irked. To say the least.
We made a deal that day to always, ALWAYS make sure that I am telling the real truth as opposed to the imagined truth.
So yesterday… This happened. I didn’t imagine it. It happened. And… It was… This:
Gab Shops (alone) At Giant Eagle
Act One
Scene One
Gab is standing in a checkout line. She is the only customer but the cashier will not look at Gab nor scan her groceries. A young, female bagger enters the scene. She seems pissed.
Female Bagger
Nuh-uh. No! I’m NOT bagging for you ALL day. I’m a cashier. This is bull!
Male Cashier
I know, but what do you want me to do about it? There is no one working.
Female Bagger
This is nuts! They need to hire more people.
Male Cashier
I saw an ad on Craig’s List about working here.
Female Bagger
That’s stupid. They should just give us more hours. LaShranda needs hours, TeRoy needs hours, Sally had grandkids. Shit… they are working me like a dog, but hell if they give me full time!
Gab
I have an advantage card if anyone cares.
Male Cashier
They won’t promote any of us. They are looking from outside the company.
Female Bagger
You better wait on her. How you doing today, Miss?
Gab
Umm, I’ve been better.
Female Bagger
Honesty! HA!
Male Cashier
Is this your advantage card?
Gab
No, it’s my mom’s. Her name is Starla Bonesso.
Male Cashier
Your Mom is Star Jones?!!
Gab
No, my mom is Starla Bonesso.
Male Cashier
Oh, well, I only know one Star.
Gab
You know my mom?
Male Cashier
No, Starla Jones.
Gab
Oh. Star Jones’ real first name is Starla?
Male Cashier
No.
Gab
Oh, because my mom’s name is Starla.
Male Cashier
That’s not even her real name.
Gab
My mom?!! Yes, it is!
Male Cashier
No. Star Jones. It’s a fake name. Like Tiger Woods. Can you believe people think his name is really Tiger?
Gab
Oh, I thought that was his name. I mean, it makes sense. Tiger. I don’t know. What is his real name? Tigerra? Or something ethnic?
Male Cashier
Naw, naw. Nothing like that. His real name is actually REALLY gay.
Gab
For real? Is it like Tommy Tune or Vincent Minelli or Neil Patrick Harris or George Michaels or Elton John?
Male Cashier
Huh?
Gab
Well, you said that it was “gay” so I named a bunch of gay guy’s names.
Male Cashier
I meant weird when I said, “gay”.
Gab
Oh. My mistake. I don’t speak homophobia.
END SCENE.
END MALE CASHIER’S CAREER
END HATE TALK.
ONE.
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